My love at first sight moment finally happened at age 21, but not with a person.

I have never had that movie style love at first sight moment with someone, but I am honestly fine with that, because I got something better. I fell in love with a place, New York City. I’m honestly unsure I will ever feel that same instant overwhelming sense of love, which I know is very dramatic since I have only been once..but It was an indescribable feeling I wish I could replay again and again. Luckily in just eight short months I am making the big move, and I’ll get to feel that same rush every single day. 

For a long time now I’ve felt like I hadn’t found my purpose in the world. I haven’t always totally loved myself, and I kept moving in the wrong directions and making the wrong decisions, like I was constantly searching for something that never even existed. Then I stepped into New York and all of that changed. Suddenly I didn’t care for anything except figuring out how to get back. In that city I found a sense of belonging. I found my purpose. I found myself. Finally.

And yes, we did every painfully touristy thing you are “not supposed” to admit you did. But I’m not sorry. We went to Times Square and got tourist trapped within about half a second of stepping into the chaos. We somehow stayed out until 5 a.m. every. single. night. We walked through Central Park eating hot dogs like we had not seen food in days. We dragged ourselves down Fifth Avenue getting bumped and shoved every few steps, and weirdly I kind of loved the chaos of it. We ducked into one of those tacky souvenir shops and of course bought the most predictable thing on the rack, an “I heart NYC” shirt. We bought totally real designer bags off the side of the street that were “100 percent authentic,” if you ask the guy who sold them. We grabbed Joe’s Pizza in Times Square at four in the morning and ordered what felt like forty slices. We went to Leon’s Bagels and realized we had clearly been lied to by every bagel we had ever eaten before. We wandered around SoHo, mentally moving into every ridiculously perfect townhouse we passed, waving to imaginary deli guys and pretending to toss a juice up to the woman who “lives” above us.

None of this was original. None of it was cool girl, “I only go where the locals go” behavior. These are the same things every single person does when visiting NYC. But for me, every one of those basic tourist attractions made me a little more whole inside. I finally felt awake and present within my own life, I felt like myself. 

And that is why under no circumstances will I ever give up. I can’t let go of the version of me I met on that trip, because it is the best me I have ever known. 

If you have ever dreamed of making it to New York City, please get those tickets, talk to those random people on the sidewalk, buy that “I heart NYC shirt.” If it gives you even the smallest sense of belonging like it did for me, I promise you it’s worth it. 

From me, and from Mads on Madison, this is your official sign. New York is waiting.